Conversations with Lori Gottlieb

Hi Lori,

After some period in time, I thought that I would update you on my adventures in dating. Back in February, I wrote you a letter which I am copying below in italics.

Hi Lori,

Just to follow up on the e-mail on February 4th that I sent about getting your book for my three daughters and also to elaborate on my rather terse message.  Gave it to them collectively on Valentine’s Day but they seem to be looking for “Mr. Right Someday”.  V-day was also Chinese New Year this year so I decided to cover my bases by taking my kids to a Chinese food restaurant and giving the book to them at the fortune cookie moment.  My oldest two (twins) don’t have a boyfriend unlike my youngest daughter who has a boyfriend. All of them are going back to school in the fall for more post secondary education and have a strong sense of entitlement when it comes to men.  I disagree with their attitude due to my current experiences in the dating scene.  Recently, I  went on a single’s dog sledding trip up north and shared an Igloo with four attractive, intelligent and very well educated women.  I’m amazed at the tenacity of women who are willing to brave a wind chill of minus twenty six degrees Celsius in order to meet their bashert.  My impression is they feel that the men who they met on the Internet dating services are web surfing couch potatoes and there is a better chance of connecting with a stud rather than a spud on an adventure single’s trip. This “stud” is at the age where the testosterone levels are decreasing but not quite ready for Viagra although I try to keep in shape.  Fortunately the bears were in hibernation since I had one bag of doggie biscuits between me and being lunch for some hairy mammal regardless of my endurance.  The male quotient on the trip was low and I think they built several snow inuksuk which bore a remarkable resemblance to ancient female fertility figures to conjure a totally ripped Sasquatch who can quote Sylvia Plath or Theodore Roethke (the interior of the Igloo did remind me of the inside of a bell jar, the title of one of Sylvia Plath’s books.  Is this feminist symbolism?).  Here are thirty women in their thirties and early forties including  a goodly number of doctors and other professionals  figuratively loaded for bear and not a lonely Mountie or lumberjack in sight - just me, a myopic Chinese software engineer and blackberry guy for potential mate material.  The other two men came with their significant others.   I envied the lead dogs in the pack for their alpha male certitude and wondered how they would deal with this situation.

In reply, you asked me to tell you how my daughters responded. As you suggested, they felt that it didn’t apply to them. I would like to say in respect to my current experiences that women my age also don’t feel that it applies to them. I wrote what I considered to be a well thought out, intelligent and articulate profile aimed at age appropriate and compatible women and placed it on an Internet dating site. Compare with this little gem which I inadvertently came across on Match.com.

fancy a challenge?

YOU specify you want a female 25-48, and Im not? You want to have kids? I dont! I dont want to meet a man that smokes, drinks heavily, is addicted to football or anything else really. I am independent, own house, cars, business and not looking for anyone to 'keep or look after me'. I dont want a 25 - 35 year old man, Im no cougar - so if you are under 40 - dont respond - thanks. I would have to spend days on here trying to keep up with the 'winks' - I dont respond to winks.. I seriously dont have the time - and its not a genuine interest - so I wont reply....
for all the men who would like a 1 night stand - or dont have a photograph - or are not 'willing to discuss details' - sorry, neither am I. (the other thing that really winds me up is the serious lack of good grammar and spelling... If I read your profile and its full of mistakes, - lets just say Im picky...lol) I thank you for your time, and I wish you every success in whatever you are looking for...If you are still reading and interested in me...I think it would be great to find someone who has the same interests and has the time and finances to be able to share in 'the dream'. I have a very positive outlook in life, have a great sense of humour, but would like to find someone who would like to meet up, chat and take it from there. If there is some chemistry - I truly am - your dream woman - but relationships - even starting one - takes effort - and one email just isnt enough. Yes I own and ride a Harley, yes I love fast cars, I do a lot of world travelling and lead a bit of a glamourous lifestyle. I have a wide circle of friends, and would like to share with someone who also enjoys a good social life. I dont mind what we do - but add a touch of romance and a bit of spontaneity and the world is your oyster!